Navigating the New Year with Sass: A Hilarious Guide for Women Tackling Anxiety
Hey fabulous people, welcome to the new year! If you're feeling like 2023 was a dumpster fire, fret not, because 2024 is here, and we're ready to tackle it with style, humor, and a touch of madness. I repeat, just a touch of madness because we’re not going to have a repeat of 2023, right? Right!! Now, let's address the elephant in the room: anxiety. We've all been there, yes we! We’ve all been in that place where our heart feels like it’s about to catapult itself right out of our chest. We’ve all been in that place where the sweat dripping from our armpits has us hiding in shame. We’ve all been in that place sitting in our cars in a parking lot trying to coach ourselves through breathing exercises just so we can get out of the car. Oh wait, is that last one just me? But we’re not doing all that in 2024 this is your ticket to surviving anxiety in the new year with a sprinkle of laughter. So, grab your favorite snacks, put on your most comfy PJs, and let's dive into this rollercoaster of wisdom that comes from the deep dark pits of my slightly unhinged mind.
Ah, anxiety, the unwelcome guest that just won't leave the party. It's like that annoying friend who hogs the karaoke machine – nobody asked for it, yet there it is, stealing the spotlight. I talk to my anxiety on almost a daily basis changing her name everyday just to piss her off. We have long conversations about how she thinks that I should be freaking out over the smallest of things, she likes to make my heart beat super fast for no reason, and way too often keeps me up at night with thoughts that I’m going to die in my sleep. But, this year is that year that I finally kick her out, this is the year that WE kick anxiety to the curb like a bad Tinder date.
“Embrace the rhythm of life, shake off those nerves, and dance like nobody's watching.”
Now, picture this: you're on the dance floor of life, and suddenly anxiety waltzes in, trying to lead. Well, guess what? You're the salsa queen, and anxiety can't keep up with your spicy moves. Embrace the rhythm of life, shake off those nerves, and dance like nobody's watching. Anxiety will be left in the dust, desperately trying to find its groove.
See that chick anxiety is going to try you. She is going to get all up in your face and try to throw you off your game. She’s going to bring up everything from your past, all those bad decisions, past relationships, the awkwardness of middle school, throw it in your face and try to make you feel like you should crawl back into that hole you call your home. But, we’re not allowing her to win this year. We’re remembering who we are and shoving it in her face every chance we get. Now, I know you’re wondering “how the hell are we going to do that?” She’s good, she’s really good at being able to convince us that we’re barely functioning on a daily basis. But what we’re going to do, what you’re going to do is sit down, no more dancing, and reflect back on the badassery that has been your life. You have shown up so many times with her on your back and still killed it. There are so many times when she did not win and you have to remember those right now. You have to be able to deliver the receipts!
Now that you have a bit of an understanding of how we’re going to deal with that chick anxiety in general, let's look at what she does when she shows up in our relationships. Navigating relationships can be trickier than figuring out the plot twists in a Christopher Nolan movie and anxiety can make it even worse. Whether it's with your BFF, your significant other, or your cat (because let's face it, pets are family), relationships can be the glitter glue that holds your life together so we want to make sure to anxiety-proof those precious connections.
So, anxiety – the uninvited third wheel in the waltz of love. How many of you have been here? You and your significant other are planning a romantic dinner, but anxiety decides to crash the party like a tipsy aunt at a wedding. Suddenly, what was supposed to be a cozy date turns into a game of emotional Twister. Left foot on "Will they like me?" and right hand on "Did I say something stupid?" It's like trying to have a heart-to-heart while navigating a minefield of irrational fears. And don't even get me started on the text message dilemma – "Should I add another exclamation mark to seem more excited or is that too much?!" Anxiety in relationships is like having a personal drama queen whispering worst-case scenarios in your ear. But hey, at least it keeps things interesting, right? Welcome to the rollercoaster of love, where anxiety holds the map, and you're just along for the hilariously bumpy ride! But I’m not going to leave you standing there ready to vomit so keep reading.
”You have to be able to stop yourself in the moment and flip those thoughts around.”
So, your relationship has become a sitcom, and anxiety is the quirky neighbor who won't stop meddling but there are ways to tame this wild beast! First off, embrace the chaos with open arms – consider it the unpredictable laugh track of your love story. The more you try to resist the anxiety the more you tend to feed into it because you don’t quite know what you’re doing yet. Communication is key, but with yourself not others. You have to be able to stop yourself in the moment and flip those thoughts around. “Will they like me?” becomes “Hell yea they’re going to like me, why wouldn’t they!” and “Did I say something stupid?” becomes “Hell yeah I said something stupid, but if they can stick around through my stupid jokes I know they’re my person.” Now, I like the approach of just calling that chick anxiety stupid and telling her to shut up because no one is listening to her but I’m a pro at this now and soon you will be too!
Yet, I know that sometimes being able to stand strong in an argument against anxiety can be tough so gather 'round the mental campfire – it's time to talk about meditation, the Jedi mind trick for everyday jedis! Imagine you're in cosmic PJs, trying to summon your inner zen master while your brain is playing an epic remix of "Stress Symphony No. 99." Meditation is like sending your thoughts on a tropical vacation while you stay behind to manage the chaotic airport of your mind. It's the only activity where sitting still is considered an Olympic sport. Trying to clear your mind is like attempting to declutter a closet full of emotional baggage – good luck finding that inner peace sandwiched between old memories and future worries! But fear not, brave souls, because in the world of meditation, even the fumbles and failed attempts are progress. So, light a metaphorical candle, sit cross-legged like the chill guru you aspire to be, and let's embark on this hilarious quest for tranquility – where the only thing you're chasing is your runaway thoughts, and the finish line is a state of blissful bemusement! See meditation, is that thing that is going to help you feel more grounded whether you realize it or not.
But meditation is not for everyone so I welcome you to wonderful world of therapy – the magical realm where your mind is the main character, and the therapist is the guide in unraveling life's mysteries! Therapy is like a mental spa day, where the hot tub is your subconscious, and the therapist is the lifeguard blowing the whistle on your emotional shenanigans. Therapy is like a support group for your brain, where your thoughts get a chance to air their grievances in a safe space, and your therapist is the referee in the ring of your tangled emotions. Forget the stigma; embracing therapy is like deciding to wear sunglasses indoors – a bold choice that says, "I'm taking charge of my mental runway, and I look fabulous doing it!" So, grab your emotional baggage (preferably in a stylish carry-on) and let the therapy shenanigans begin – where laughter is not just encouraged but prescribed!
Ladies, anxiety may be a persistent party crasher, but armed with a good therapist, counseling, and a good dose of laughter, you're ready to conquer the new year like the queen you are. Remember, life's too short to take everything seriously, so laugh in the face of anxiety and dance through the chaos. You've got this! Cheers to a year filled with joy, love, and a little bit of madness.
